A Rollercoaster Week of Emotion

Well, it's Sunday. Just back from an amazing (but extremely hot) Celebration Rally here in Denver, Colorado.

Week 4 is now behind us and though there were great days and beautiful scenery I am thankful to have it over and look forward to week 5 with more downhill then up :)

This past week has been an extremely emotional and trying week for me and at times very frustrating, unfortunately. But it has also been a week of once again learning patience and putting it into action (which was the theme for the week) and accepting that it's okay to be served now and then rather then serve.

For those of you who don't know, I had many troubles with me knee this week with all the climbing and had to make some hard decisions. I am so thankful though that God put people right where I needed them to be when I felt like I couldn't go on.

I started out being on sweep team this week and the first part of the day went well. I flew up the first mountain and it was such a great feeling...but then we hit the second mountain and though we are not sure of exact numbers, we climbed roughly from just under 7000 ft to 9485 ft with an 8% grade a fair amount of the way. Things were going okay in the beginning but then they just turned sour. My knees gave out and shortly after my entire body. I was riding with Justin Helder and he was a godsend. He helped keep my mind off of the pain and helped me climb right to the top of that mountain. Of course we were stopping every couple of km's to take "photo breaks" (which could also be labeled as breathing breaks due to high elevation :P).

Of course with almost every large climb is a wonderful downhill ride. We rode into Hanna (small town) at the halfway point and stopped at a restaurant where many other cyclists were stopped.
It was there that my breaking point happened. We had 60km's left and I knew that I couldn't do it anymore but I didn't want to face that fact. My fellow sweep mate, Barb, found me out back and talked with me, prayed with me and helped me to make the decision that I needed to stop for the day and take the SAG wagon back. You wouldn't believe the number of emotions and thoughts that were running through my head.

I've let people down, I've let myself down...no, it's okay, it isn't the end of the world if I don't ride every km...but it sure feels like it...this tour isn't about me...why can't my body just be fine...I made it 3 weeks...that in itself is a great accomplishment...and I have 6 more weeks to go...need to be smart....and so on...the thoughts continued to come and with each, more tears.

Everyone was so compassionate and caring that evening. It blows me away the support that comes from within this tour and from those back home. I was so thankful too to talk with my mom that night too...sometimes that's exactly what you need.

Of course the next morning, still being sort of stubborn but having accepted some of my feat, I decided that I would still try riding the downhill portion that started out the day and then get picked up before the climb...I lasted 4 km's. 2km's out of town and the 2 to get back.

For the next 2 days, I rode with the wonderful kitchen crew that infolded me and helped me make the best of those days. I really did have so much fun with them and am so thankful for all the laughter.

Though I'll admit, I am amazed how quickly when sitting on the sidelines, you almost feel like you were never riding. Watching others through the clean windows of Jeri's jeep (I windex'd them before we left, haha, wanted to make sure I could still take good pics, I'm weird I know).

I didn't know how quickly I could let myself ride again but I was getting antsy and decided on Thursday (even though anticipated as one of the hardest days of the week) to get back on my bike with the intention of getting picked up by Betsy before the big climb and dropped off for the glory-downhill ride. I rode with Pastor Len. He is such a great guy to ride with, especially on the days where you are a little down. I am so thankful that he is on this tour and that God put him in my life. We had such a great day together and good conversation and we took our time, just enjoying the moment of being able to cycle.

I rode on Friday as well with the girls for the 55km day. We dilly-dawdled most of the day and it was awesome. Starting out with breakfast, then another restaurant snack stop as well as a candy store stop :) We also stopped for coffee one more time with only 15km and a climb left to go.

Sadly I discovered that my knee was not happy to do another climb and it failed on me again. With only a couple of km's to go I had to flag down Betsy (SAG driver) and hitch a ride into camp. I was so close. It was definitely a bit disheartening that on such a small climb I was still having such trouble. I really struggled that evening not knowing what I should do about Saturday's ride. There was some beautiful downhill that I really wanted to ride but the day started with a large climb and there was another one halfway through the day and I didn't want to be an annoyance by asking to be driven twice to bypass the climbs. But Betsy is just wonderful and goes out of her way to make you feel okay while she's is once again locking your bike up on the top of the van.
I was truly thankful that during Friday evening we had communion together as a community and also said goodbye to the riders who were only with us for the first 4 weeks. It was a very powerful and needed evening. I'm also thankful for wonderful friends like Nick Ellens, who are there for you when you need to cry on their shoulder (and of course to so many more people - you know who you are).

Well, I ended up riding 80km's of the 140km day on Saturday and it was so great. I'm so thankful I got to do part of it. Coming down the mountain was awesome (breaking my speed record only by a bit, but hit 72.7km/hour) and going through the canyons was amazing. God is so good! What an artist.

Going back to a comment I made at the beginning of this blog about learning to be served rather then to serve, I just want to explain what I mean. One thing that I and Julia have really enjoyed doing over the last week is sending notes to those who have had a hard and trying day. Being of the few late (and mature) 20 year olds, we have taken it upon ourselves to spread as much encouragement to others as possible when we can.

However, this week there hasn't been any of it. I think this has contributed to my fustration as we constantly talk about this tour not being about us and this week I've hated the fact that I feel like it's been all about me. It's hard to accept having the tables turned. To be the weaker person rather then being the strong one who watches out for others.

So I go into this coming week in hopes of a better one but also with understanding that there may still be trying days ahead. I also hope that I can put the focus back more where it should be. First on God and all his glory, second on spreading awareness of what this tour is about and awareness of poverty and to get involved and lastly on others involved in the tour. I realize that there is nothing wrong with having to take time for yourself but I am definitely looking forward to seeing smiles and laughter on the faces of others.

Thank you all so much for your love and support for myself and for everyone here. I miss you all.