Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Christmas Eve Letter to Family - Manaus, Brazil

Dear Dad and Mom,

Merry Christmas!! I love you so very much! I pray that you had a wonderful Christmas Eve and a blessed Christmas day. I am sending this message through Raquel so I hope you will find it in your junk mail. Since we will be staying on base all day tomorrow there will be no other opportunity to communicate on Christmas day unfortunately.

This evening (Christmas Eve) we will be having a Christmas dinner with the orphanage/shelter that YWAM Manaus owns and runs. We will have a little service with the children and all the staff, both of us offering up songs of worship and then myself and two others will give short little testimonies that relate to thankfulness of things God has done in our lives in the last while. It starts at 8pm so I will have to make sure that I keep an eye on the time for 9pm to arrive. I think I will take along my alarm clock, lol. I can’t remember if we were doing it again in the morning of Christmas day but I will wish you a Merry Christmas again at 9am J

Since we arrived here in Manaus things have gone fairly well. It has definitely been different than our time in Venezuela. I have loved the ministry once again at the orphanage/shelter. We have gone there two days now. It hosts children who are either orphans, street children or children that come from an unstable family that may or may not involve abuse. The children are so beautiful. One little girl reminds me of Lotus when she smiles and laughs (from what I remember of her anyhow). Yesterday we mostly just cleaned the building, which in my opinion is kept immaculate already. The children do not go without here, they care very well here. You can definitely see and feel Gods love in this place. Today along with a few others we got to play games, draw and just have fun with the children. I really enjoyed today and have taken many photos over the last two days. The others did construction work, well more like shoveling dirt around and leveling. I was luck to play with the children instead but that was because I, along with many in the group, have been sick all week L A few had fevers and flu’s. I mainly had severe cold and congestion (to the point of barely being able to breathe while I slept :P) and was fighting the flu. Also many have been experiencing dizziness and lightheadedness. We wonder if some of this, including muscle aches (which I also had) are the side effects now kicking in from the malaria pills.

I am thankful to be feeling much better this evening but was still too weak this morning for manual labour. Actually Faith and I just walked around finding various fruits on the trees and having a yummy fruit feast – which was badly needed! There are orange trees and mango trees and papaya trees and some other thing that I don’t know the name of but is so yummy. Oh and guess what! I now know the reason why Cashews cost so much. You would never guess how they grow!! I took pictures. Only one cashew grows per fruit piece. It is on the top and outside of the fruit. The fruit has a weird taste to it and I am still not sure I like it but eat it anyhow as I know I could use the nutrients. Anyhow google cashew fruit. It’s pretty crazy J

For Christmas day, everything is shut down here so Sarah and Alef and Kadeen left a little while ago by car to buy us groceries so we can cook ourselves Christmas dinner. We will also play some games and watch some movies. Not quite the typical Christmas but should be good! It is MUCH hotter here but it is also way more rainy. Our first day it poured and poured, we were soaked. It also takes forever for laundry to dry.

Oh one last thing. On the Tuesday, they were so kind and Raquel took us into downtown Manaus (as we are quite far out in the boonies here)for a tour around. It is amazingly awesome and beautiful!! Many buildings are influenced by the Neo-classical era. The buildings are so colourful and have so much character. There were many people around but by afternoon there were even more people! It was so crazy, I loved every minute of it. It is just such a beautiful area with so many things to see and so much more that we could have seen but obviously are not able to as we are not tourists. We also had to take city transportation so that took up much time too. OH what an experience there too! Hahaha, on our way home we had to pack all 17 of us plus one of the guys from here onto an already packed bus. IT was really quite awful at first, though we did laugh a lot at first but as we were not feeling well and it was the end of the day a few of us were beginning to be close to fainting, BUT God sent us a small mercy! The bus broke down! HAHA! We had not gotten far because of traffic, which in itself had made things worse as we barely moved so there was no air flow, when all of a sudden we heard a loud scrapping noise and the bus pull over to the side and come to a stop. Everyone groaned. We all piled off the bus and proceeded to wait for awhile for another bus to come along and pick us up. Part way through we somehow managed to find enough energy to perform two of our skits for the waiting locals. It was rather humerous and I think they were slightly amused, it passed the time that’s for sure and it was fun.

Anyhow I better get going now. I was able to write more than I thought as I had first written part of this out so that Raquel could take it with her and type up tomorrow at the office but she just allowed me to use her laptop right now and apparently if the sky clears up we may even get connection that I am able to send this through my own hotmail account. Guess you will see what happened when you get this.

Anyhow I love you both so very much!! We fly out on Monday to Porto Velho where apparently the connection is very good and will only cost just slightly more than $1USD / hr! I can’t wait to connect with you again!!

Merry Christmas Mom and Dad!

Sending all my love, your loving daughter,

Stephanie

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Venezuela Continued

Well since I wrote the last letter to my parents that I copied into my blog much has happened. Though there are often still times we find ourselves waiting in the basement we have also had many chances to get out and to do ministry and it has been awesome.
Right after my last blog we left and finally had a chance to walk around town. Who knew all that was there! We are just on the outskirts of the town and so we couldn´t really tell where we were. We are surrounded on two sides with the ocean and the town behind us on the third side and mountains on the fourth. It is such a beautiful area. I have really grown to love this place in the week we have been here. When we walked back through the town that day, the the town square they were having a festival for Christmas with violinist and children singing. It was so neat to see.
The youth group here is just amazing! Most are either alumni YWAMers or will be soon. They have been so welcoming and just so much fun to be with. It will be hard to say bye. A few times they have joined us in ministry as well and has allowed us to connect with them even more. Our translators Ceasar and Jesus have become so a part of the group. They have been such a blessing to us and God has been doing so much in their lives.

Ministry Opportunities
Visiting the school - we had the opportunity to visit the school again for a second time. It was special as this is their last week so the day we went they were displaying their final projects in each classroom. We really got to see what they are doing and what their focus has been. The teachers have really emphasized taking care of the land and respecting it. They even have a community garden that many of the children are able to grow their own vegetables and take ownership of them. The projects were amazing too, they are so talented! I was blown away by their creativity and use of resources to create things. Afterwards we presented a few of the dramas we have put together (more or less last minute but having done them so often now in the past week, we have perfected them very well and they have been a great success). We started with our chair skit. Josh is the main character who notices a no touch sign on a chair and proceeds to disobey only to find himself stuck to the chair when he needs to leave. Two friends come along to invite him out and he declines, too embarased to reveal his problem. The the third friend comes by and again Josh declines his invitation but then the friend comes back as he knows something is wrong and Josh embarassingly admits his problem. Then the friend (Dervon) tries to help him get unstuck to no avail and then suggests praying, which at first Josh moves away from but when he realizes he cannot get unstuck on his own, comes back and joins his friend in prayer. He then finds himself to become unstuck and they celebrate. Being stuck represents the sin we are stuck in and when we are in denial we may miss out on opportunities. God gave us friends and we shouldn´t be embarrased to share with them so they can help us get out of that sin and as we give it up to God, since he has wiped us clean by the blood of Jesus, we are released from our sins and found in righteousness in him.
The children love that skit, though it kind of helps that Josh is the main character and as mentioned before looks like their favourite cartoon character, Shaggy.
Our second skit is Solomons skit. It is just a fun skit for christian and non-alike, as Jesus put it, a good icebreaker. It is the one we did back in Barbados, where we are all synchronized in nearly smaking eachother but not, as we each perform our character. They absolutely LOVE this skit and the appause afterwards was deafening.

Working with homeless/alcoholics - once a year in December, right before Christmas there is a group that comes out across the street of the Church and bus in a number of homeless and alcoholics to cut their hair, give them a manicure and wash their feet and clean their nails. Afterwards they come into the church to talk and to be fed and given some clothes. A bunch of us worked with them as well standing around to chat with the little spanish that we know. The youth were around as well and a few got their hair cut too. We went up into the Church to chat more and were asked to speak our thoughts of the group that put this on into a video camera, with Ceasar translating. Celina spoke first and then I spoke. I remembered what I had just read in the Bible the previous day in devotions from Matthew 25 34-40, The Sheep and the Goats. About giving strangers drink, food and clothing. That everytime we do this for the leastof these we are doing it for God. I thought that it really applied and wanted to share that. You could really feel the heart in the main leader for these men. He really had a joy in doing this. Later I sat with the men, chatting with them some more. Tommy was with me trying to help with words and help me understand. Tommy is a 12 year old boy who loves God very much and already feels called into mission. For some reason he quickly took to me and always makes sure I am fed (Estefani, Tu es hambre?) Such a sweet boy. Cheo, one of the youth, told me to be careful with the men and to not allow them to kiss my hand or cheek (as is custom here) but that was kind of easier said than done at times. Anyhow I really enjoyed it all and love meeting the many people here.

Church Ministry - on Sunday we went to two churches. The first was a new church plant only 2 years old. We arrived a touch late (nothing new here - we already know if we are told we will be leaving at one hour, it is usually 2 hours after that that we will leave, except the odd time when we are told we have 5 min to get ready as we are going, lol, love it). The Church was in a neighbouring town about 20 min away. We came in and were given the front row to sit. They were in the midst of worship, after a few slower songs they sang a fun, jived salsa song and the Church was a moving! There were so many children in this church which was wonderful to see. Good variety of ages. We introduced ourselves (always starting off in Spanish with our name and where we came from) then we performed the chair skit. The people seemed to like it. Laura gave her testimony. After the Pastor and his wife thanked us and prayed over us and then we had a group picture taken. It was very powerful and even humbling to be told just how much it meant to them for us to come. We were the first international visitors and though it was short we gave them much encouragement than I believe we could ever fully understand. It was beautiful and a little emotional to realize all this. As we left many of the elderly women were at the door to give thanks and blessings and kisses on our cheeks with great big hugs.
We headed straight in the service going on at the Church we were staying at, once again introducing ourselves. Again the first part of the service was mellow and then they changed to lively spanish worship music and the youth went crazy. They all are in the front together and they just start dancing and jumping all around. We even had a congo line going. It was so awesome. There is so much heart here and just the way the church supports them is so powerful.

Hospital Ministry - yesterday we headed to the hospital. We had to walk part way as there was a bus strike and they had closed the centre of the town off so no could get in or out by vehicle. It was a peaceful protest to raise wages, they only receive like $1.50 BS, very cheap (like about 25 cents USD). We split into three groups in the hospital, Ceasars, Jesus and Carla and went to the various rooms to speak with and pray for the people there. The hospital was fairly empty and they spoke that many went home to prepare Hallaca´s (food) for the holidays. It sounded like a joke but Jesus said no. I don´t know it was kind of funny. I went with Jesus, Jordan and Dervon. We spoke with a pregant women (22 years old) who was 7 months along. When we came in she had been crying and was very sad. Her husband had recently left her and she had a one year and 3 month old staying with a neighbour whom she couldn´t see because they couldn´t gett hrough the strike, and she was in the hospital for respitory issues. Dervon stepped up to pray for her. It was very moving. She spoke of wanting to kill herself but something stopping her - God. When we left she was in so much better spirits, this was very powerful to see.

Okay sorry cut short here, have to go. Bye.

Friday, December 11, 2009

We Have Arrived!!

Hey Dad and Mom,
I made it. Safe and sound with no hitches! Praise the Lord. I am currently in Porto Piritu, Venezuela. Things are good. I´m going to just copy my journal notes so I´ll be quick and you will know what has happened the last 3 days. I love you both very much!! So glad for the prayers, still very much needed.Dec 10 - It is already two days since we left Barbados. I must say it feels like a week so much change of locations in traveling has happened. We left at 7 30 am and headed to Trinidad where we were picked up by YWAM staff )Janell and Kyle= and brought back to their base )that is off in the boonies) for the day since our flight to Venezuela didn´t leae till 5 30 pm. On our way to the base we stopped for doubles at the best side road vendor (they are like Indian type food, chickpea on like a deep fried nani bread). We mostly relaxed at the base. I was amazed at how awake I had been feeling as I had only had 3 hours sleep the night before, going to bed at 1 30 am and waking up again at 4 30am. After about an hour at the base and chatting and playing with Melo´s pet snakes and a crocodile (mini), we crashed. Later we dtried to play some games and near the end Nicole Susanna and I along with they YWAMers on base there went to check out their obstacle course they made in the bus. Their YWAM is youth focused so they have this course for them to come for a week and learn about God and to work as a team to get through the course. Very cool. That walk helped wake me up again. We left again back to the airport and headed for Caracas. Once there we met with our two guides Ceasar and Jesus (imagine that lol), who took us to the YWAM base there. Unfortunately, it was night so we couldnt see much but we could tell there were large mountains from the thousands of lights from houses and streets that crowded them. The mountains were full of houses. Some looked like snow from all the white lights. The YWAM quarters were very tight but the bed was once again great and I slept so well (there were 7 of us in one tiny room, sleeping on bunks. The next day (Dec 9) we mstly just hung around waiting as we were wiating for the other group to show up that flew in at 8 30 am in the morning. Dean needed to go with the group to the immigration office to do the visa stuff,so they waited for her. Also we waited so that the others could get money exchanged too as we were told we were not to use US here as it would make us stand out, so there was no point going out anyhow as we had not money till later. It did make for a long morning and day but was also somewaht relaxing. At around noon we headed out with Jesus, walking around the long way to the grocery store to get food so that we could see a bit of the city. It was nice, extremely busy!! Cars and people and buildings everywhere.We left for the bus terminal much later than originally planned but thats what happens. The only unfortunancy is it was again dark out when we left after 6pm so we couldn´t see much again. We took a subway to the bus that took us to the bus terminal. We had a four hour drive to porto Piritu. Again we seperated to two different cities, 30 min apart (the other group went to Barcelona, a city, we are in a town). With me is Josh, Susanna, Jessica, Faith, Laura, Dervon and Celina. The bus ride was soooooo COLD! Thankfully I had on pants and my bike teshirt-tanktop which thankfully at lastl min had brought a long and my sweater. I had also thankfully taken in my pillow bag which also included my sheet which JEss and I proceeded to snuggle ourselves in. For awhile I even had it over my head as I was getting and had such a bad sinus cold from the AC from our first bus ride from airport to base. Dervon used my pillow case over his head and Ceasar used my pillow. Who knew we could find ourselves majority of the time cold here in S. America when we were constantly warned of the heat. Too funny. I was frustrated unfortunatly when we arrived as the bus threw us out so fast I lost my blue travel pillow case. It had somehow disappeared and I could not find it. Plus someone had spilt something all over the floor and my back pack was soaked. A little frustrating especially since I was so tired at this point. Our bus had left at 8pm and we arrived at midnight.Those that picked us up were so welcoming. We packed like 15 people and all our basg in a amsall van and drove off to the church )Communidad Christiana Discipular Maranath). We are in the basement, separated into 3 parts. Boys side, girls side and table sitting area and small kitchen. Our mattresses are all aligned together in a row. The AC was so cold again so we asked to have it turned down and it was much better. We went straight to sleep at 1 am ish as we were told we would be doing ministry already in the morning. Breakfest at 7 am and leave for the school where we would be speaking personal stories of values to the teens at 8 am. In the first class, Celina spoke first about her relationship with her sister and the value of understanding, followed by Josh and Larua. Caesar translated and Carla wrapped up. We then moved to another class where I spoke first about communication, hurt, trust and forgiveness in a friendship followed by Dervon on obedience. The children received us very well and listened intently. Afterwards they and us had a break and during we had the opportunity to sepak more with them. trying to communicate in broken spanish. The children exclaimed Josh looked like shaggy from scooby'doo who apparently is a cartoon favourtie for many. We headed back to base after, had a time of napping. When I awoke Jesus appeared (he had gone with the other group to Barcelona but took a bus to us in the morning). WE chatted for quite awhile. I really enjoy talking with him as it is fairly easy to communicate as he know more english. Randomly he began telling me stories of financial depenedancy on God. My ears perked up. I listened intently. He told me many stories of hi DTS leading expereience to CHina last year as we of how many times he found himself flighting to far away countries and having no money to his name only Gods provision . He spoke of God telling him to go to ARgentina for many in S. America that is the snobby country and that is how he felt but now he loves the people because he chose to follow God and god showed him how to love these people. Later at 2 30pm we had a meeting DTS and debriefing. Near the first end Faith felt that we needed to pair up as well did iSusanna and speak out any sins or things burdening us. I paried with Susanna and Josh During Faith was filed with the Holy spirit and started to be able to only speak in tongues. She was going hysterical in Joy running all over trying to hide a bit and trying to stop but it wouldn´t. Then Jess started up. It was intense for quite awhile. During Celina had the verses 2 Tim 1 6-8 and Josh had Habbikuk 1 2-5. In the evening many YWAMers (alumni came and spent time with us again. Going over spanish and chatting. They even began teaching us some of their local sala style dance. Fun Dec 11This morning has been a bit harder as I am having a lot of allergy problems from the AC and being closed up in the basement. We are mostly closed up in the church where no air gets in and we are not to leave on our own or even in a group. only with one of the local ywamers. It is very frustrating at times and I am beginning to feel a little claustrophobic. Thankfully we can go up on the porch of the church, all behind a locked gate. I am thankful that right now we were finally able to leave for awhile and walk a short distance into town to the internet cafe just to see something diff. There had been sooo much more waiting around then we thought. Thankful for the ministry the first day. The food is spread out and we are usually super hungry by the time we get to eat but what we have been eating (3 square meals) has been amazing. Breakfast and lunch or so good. Lunch seems to be made by a different church person each day so it is often not on time. Today was amazing. Beef with sauce and rice, vegetables, bread coleslaw! We have already learned though to not eat it all and save some as at dinner we seem to only get cereal or something else small. Anyhow thats about it for now mom and dad, my time is almost up already. I bought an hour but was going to try and give up the last 30 min to someone else but i now only have 17 min. At least this fills you in a bit. Feel free to print this up and post, just correct a few of my spelling mistakes, keyboard is lsightly diff and i was trying to type super fast. Please pray that we will be patient and that we can handle being couped up at times. Also pray as we are doing alot more dramas and evangelising than anticipated. celina is a little frustrated herslef as leader as they continually communicated that we were justice focused and would not be going much drama or evanglising in the way they are hoping for, oh well what can you do. Right now i am still excited. We will be going to work with some alchoholics as well as in the hospital during our time here! Okay well love you both so very much. HOpe all is well.Maybe talk to you again while I am here so write back!LoveSteph

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Visa Mahem

This past week God really showed his faithfulness to me when I gave up all expectations and just had complete trust in him. Trust in knowing that God is a big God who can do anything. He blessed me with another personal promise and moment so that I could share it with you.

In order to be able to enter Brazil, as a Canadian I need to have a Visa. In order to obtain a visa within Barbados, I needed my full student visa here and letter which still has not been approved. The students that had managed to get all their information in back in August found them receiving the visa very quickly, which was a miracle in itself as the gov't here changed in the last couple of years and it has become much harder to obtain. That changed for the second batch that got sent in back in September, which included mine and 2 other Canadians and 2 other Americans.

As this was the case, we were then told we would have to Fed-Ex our passports back to our parents in Canada, who would then send them to the Consulate of Brazil there and then once processed back to our parents and then Fed-Ex'd back to us. Not only was this a headache but rather costly as well. Thankfully Gods provision was already with us as we were able to send our stuff back to Canada along with our speaker Dave 2 weeks ago, so that cut down on one side of the cost.

So we had exactly 2 weeks and a day for everything to be processed before we headed out to South America. Come last Wednesday, I thankfully found an email in my junk mail from the Consulate stating that they did not accept self-addressed Fed-Ex envelopes, only Purolator or Courier and that they had put the process on hold till they received the proper self-addressed envelope. YIKES!! So quickly I got on skype, got a hold of mom and had her quickly mail out a Purolator envelope within a Purolator envelope. I immediately emailed the Consulate back stating this process.

So a week goes by and once in a while I think about things but on the whole not worried because I knew that God would allow everything to work but I knew that it would all be last minute. I had heard many stories of similar events and knew that I was going to have my own personal story.

Unfortunately, my poor mother got caught in a bit of the crossfire as she was on the waiting end of receiving everything back to immediately send it out to get to me on time. Mom trusted in God as well...but her body seemed to disagree ever so slightly when it came to trying to sleep which didn't seem to want to happen for a few nights in a row. Then on Wednesday morning of this week (Dec 2), she opened the mailbox to find a large envelope addressed to me and jumped up and down...to only realize it was not my passport but rather something else, which she immediately exclaimed, "I still trust, I still trust in you God". When she told me this story that evening I could just picture her and had a huge smile on my face. I love my mom so much. I was sad to hear though, that this process had added some stress into her life and spoke words of encouragement and to not worry as I wasn't. There is no point to worrying until 2 minutes after I absolutely need to have it because God will provide it exactly 2 minutes before I do and not any sooner :)

That evening though Celina (my leader) advised that I should email the Consulate again to see where the process was as I needed them to send my passport back by the end of Thursday in order for it to arrive by Monday, the day before I would leave to Venezuela. I hadn't been thinking. I was thinking Friday was the day I had to start taking action and was thinking oh, if it doesn't arrive on time, mom could just send it to where I'd be staying there....kind of forgetting that I needed my passport to travel to Venezuela and if it didn't arrive, I wouldn't be going anywhere.

So I wrote up an email kindly asking them to rush the process, which would be a very big rush as I had originally thought it was suppose to only take 5 business days to process but just checked then on their site and discovered it was actually 10 business days and since the earlier mayhem of the wrong envelope at that point it had only been 5 days! and I was pretty much asking them to be done by the next day, day 6. The Consulate is only open from 9am - 1pm and so during class break Thursday morning, I ran up to the office to see if there were any emails and since there was not, Celina and I spent the next 40 minutes trying to call the Consulate but NOBODY would pick up the phone!! Honestly, that was rather annoying...but I should mention, all during this time I never lost faith. I had such a sense of peace about it....but that doesn't meant the process wasn't still rather annoying at times. So since I had already missed about 30 min of class, I headed back as Celina would continue to try and grab me when need be. I don't think I was in class more than a minute or two when I saw her walking down, so I quickly excused myself again and went to see what was up.

Celina exclaimed..."YOU GOT YOUR VISA!!" We jumped up and down and exclaimed with glee and then I asked how she found that out. Apparently, I had accidentally left my hotmail account open on her computer and when she went to the inbox to just check there was an email stating in response to the one I had sent that night before, that they had processed the Visa through and would I like them to mail it or would someone pick it up.

Well, initially we were going to have them mail it back to my parents and then back to here but discovered that that process was actually 3 days, not 2! So it would be too late. God then provided again for my needs when I didn't even realize what I needed. Samuel (director) was in the office and made the suggestion of contacting our YWAM connections in Toronto, who just so happened to be the wonderful dutch Sue (who is also Rodneys friend and someone I plan on chatting a fair bit with when I get back home - but that's another blog). Poor Sue (but the amazingly wonderful Sue), was in the process of studying for her last final big exam that very evening. We had to make sure that the Consulate would for sure release my passport to her when she came and so quickly wrote up a letter, signed it, included my drivers ID and emailed it back off to her. So she kindly put her studying on hold (with the promise that we would intercede in prayer for her and her exam) and headed on over to the Consulate. They gave her NO trouble at all!! She grabbed it, headed over to FedEx and had it sent off that very afternoon! This litterly all happened within 2 hours!

The best part....it ARRIVED HERE YESTERDAY!! YEAHHH :)

I just love it. I love that God gave me this mahem to show me once again his amazing grace in ALL things - big and small. He loves us so and everything about us is important to him. He uses our struggles to teach us and remind us to continually trust in him. Somethings he reveals to us very quickly and some things take a touch longer (like even a few years) but God is always there watching over us.

Trust and Obey

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.

Refrain

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.

Refrain

But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

Refrain

Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet.
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way.
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.

AMEN!

Thanks to all those who kept me in your prayers during this time. I greatly appreciated them!!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Long Bajan Weekend!

Well in exactly a week I will be in Venezuela! Hard to believe that the time is so near. Like many I am getting excited for the next step to begin but as we were reminded today we still have this last week of lecture phase here in Barbados to go through (we have one more while on outreach) so we do need to keep somewhat focused :).

We just came off a lovely long weekend. Our first! It was Barbados Independence Day (43 years) yesterday, so we had no classes. It was actually quite the nice relaxing, fun filled weekend that I think we were really in need of. Saturday morning Solomon began fulfilling some of his promised to us by taking us to Oistins to swim with the Turtles there...well two turtles to be exact :) Three at the end. It was pretty neat and I was glad I had brought my swimming goggles along from back home for this. Though I have to say, I could have done without getting smacked on the head from the raw fish meat we picked up at the fish market to attract the turtles. Definitely didn't want to accidentally take a gulp of the water around us, let alone for the salt all the fish guts, lol. Afterwards we headed into town to pick up ingredients as we were having a potluck on Independence Day that we were all making a dish from our own Country.

In the evening, Solomon fulfilled his other promise by taking us camping on the beach, starting off with a hike there. Well, let me say....that was an interesting evening that was a good introduction into living circumstances in South America, haha. At about 9 pm, we headed out from the base and ventured out in the dark with some food, clothes and sleeping bags. Solomon, our fearless leader, led us though the bush on some trails for about an hour and a half as we hiked our way to the beach. When we finally got there we were welcomed with the stench of dead fish and as we looked around to find the source we discovered a dead dolphin decaying on the beach, which is odd because you don't find dolphins around Barbados. We left it there and moved a bit farther down so that the smell was less strong. We set up a fire as we cleared the seaweed to make a nice clear patch of sand to lay our sleeping bags down on. Some went to the jetty to try and catch fish, but they had no luck. We spent hours talking, roasting hot dogs, marshmallows (s'mores :) ), hamburgers, sweet potato and bread over the fire. I have to admit, I was one of the last girls to go to sleep. I wanted to make sure I was good and tired before I laid down so I wouldn't spend any time trying to keep the sandfleas away from me. I wrapped myself up like a cacoon in my blanket and dropped down to the ground. Earlier when I had laid my blanket down to just set out a spot, it was instantly covered in sand fleas :P I grabbed it back and shook it out and decided to keep it packed till I was ready to sleep.
Some people didn't sleep all night but I did manage to get a few hours of sleep. I woke up when I thought I felt Sarah poking my back. I turned around to see what was going on and realized she wasn't that close to me and she was obviously still sleeping. I turned back over on my side and felt it again. I put my glasses back on and pulled myself up and that's when I realized I was laying on two crab holes! Yep, I was awake now! I joined a couple others by the fire for about an hour or so and then all of a sudden we had an official waking up at 5:30 as the skies opened and it poured! We ran up to an abandoned summer house, that Ekkehart had discovered was vacant during the night, and climbed up to the porch where we hid out till the rain stopped. After that we headed back home, to the base, to crash in our waiting bunk beds for majority of Sunday.


Monday was an exceptionally exciting day for me as it finally worked out to get together with Malcom and his family. I spoke of Malcom in one of my first blogs. I met him on the plane coming to Barbados and we just clicked and hoped to get together while I was here. We assumed it would be within the first week or two, but finally entering week #10, it worked! Isn't that the way it goes. Bekah and Claudia came along with me and we drove to Accra Beach to spend part of the day. It was nice to finally be able to meet Malcoms wife and two beautiful daughters. He was very interested to hear about what we had been up to with YWAM and looks forward to hearing about our outreach when we come back. Unfortunately, it didn't end up working out for them to come and join us in the potluck but I'm still so glad it worked out for us to connect before I headed out on outreach.
We got home with about an hour to spare and I quickly finished getting my dish prepared. I made sweet potato fries with spicy mayo! It was sooo good and I was so happy as it was my first time making them and there potatoes are a little different then the ones back home and I couldn't find all the right spices. When we first arrived we discovered that Yams and Sweet Potatoes are in abundance here, so I made mention they must have some really good S.P. Fries here and they looked at me weird. I couldn't believe they had never tried them, so I was determined to make them for the potluck. They were a great hit!
It was such a great evening with so much amazing food from many cultures. Some very interesting food as well :) Rodney got his mom to make his dish which is an old traditional Bajan dish - Saous. Basically its Pork snout, ears and feet, mmmm, right? :P lol.
We all filled up on the many dishes and desserts and paid for it right after, with eyes bigger than our stomachs. We played a few fun games, danced a little and then cleaned up. Good times :) Great weekend!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

A Camel and a Needle (personal)

Well, the countdown is on. Only 2 weeks left till we leave for outreach! Can't believe how time has gone by so fast. As we prepare for outreach and for travel arrangements and other items we also find ourselves once again dealing with finances.

Oh finances - the word that everyone hates to talk about. Though funny enough, I've been finding it such a constant thing that God is having me deal with and work through. It has been good for me but it has also been a struggle at times as well. Actually a struggle is an underestimate, I've been pretty frustrated I'll say, but God has been really trying to reach me in a new way. He is trying to teach me complete dependence on Him. To show me that when I give these things up to him and when I give generously, how I can see him and have a relationship with him on a whole new level. To have complete dependence on him over finances I can see him work miracles, personal miracles in my life.

I wish I could tell you the many amazing stories those who have been with YWAM or rather those who've been in the mission field for awhile have and the way God has provided for them over and over again financially. Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying you need to be a missionary to experience these things, no no, but I think coming from the western culture, many of us don't fully know what it is to have nothing and depend completely on God to provide. One staff asked God to let him learn dependence on him in this way and found his bank account somehow dwindle down to nothing over a short matter of time BUT over the next 6 years of litterly having no money to his name, he was blessed to be able to traveled more than half of the world doing God's work. That's just the tip of all the stories that I have heard here.

So anyhow, where is this coming from? Well, I've really been learning that not every organization works in the way that CRWRC works (in their organization and planning ahead ways) or they way that I like or am more comfortable with and that's okay, it just means more lessons of flexibility. Before I left to come, I had been fundraising for the outreach section of my trip and had been hoping to raise $3000 CDN, unfortunately I didn't quite hit that amount and that's okay. I was still blown away by the generosity and compassion of family and friends, many who really had little to their names. Originally, outreach was budgeted at $2500 USD but now that has raised a fair bit.

I am currently hoping to raise another $1500CDN to cover the added costs.

I ask kindly if you could please pray about whether or not you may feel called to help me out. If you don't, that is completely okay. We are not always called by God to give in every situation. I thank you, either way for your prayers and for supporting me in other ways. I've really appreciated hearing from my mom of those back home who have been keeping up with me on my blog. Thank you.

I thought I would attach the proposed itinerary (that is most certainly going to still have changes but as close to the final as we possibly will have) for our outreach, so you have an idea of where we will be over the next few months as chances are, I will not be able to update my blog often (or at all, though hopefully that's not the case).


December 8th
We will be leaving in two groups, the first group will fly directly from Barbados to Caracas, Venezuela, the second group will have a night stay over in Trinidad and will be sleeping over at the YWAM base there and leaving the following day for Caracas. We will split into 2 groups for accommodations (2 weeks) as well and we will not be staying right in Caracas. Some ministry will be done together and some separate.

December 19th - 27th
We will be traveling 2 to 3 days by bus (all depends on the condition of the bus) to Manuas, Brazil with a short stay at the border, then off to the YWAM base. Here is where we will be celebrating Christmas. There is an orphanage on base here as well.

December 27th
We will be traveling 5 days by ferry to Porto Velo, Brazil and spend 3 weeks here. This includes a week long stay with the Indigenous tribe deep in the Amazon (no electricity, possibly be in water up to our thighs, where there are crocodiles, piranhas, feces, etc., fun times! :O ).

January 20th
Flying down to Buenas Aires, Argentina (because it is much to dangerous for us to drive down to Bolivia), (this is the one place not overly confirmed, we are having a hard time getting concrete answers from them).

Beginning of February to February 12th
We will again be taking a bus for 2 to 4 days to Santa Cruz, Bolivia (sleeping on the bus), spending 10-12 days in Santa Cruz.

February 12
Flying back to Caracas, Venezuela then to Barbados.

I don't know what we will be doing in each place as it is up to the base leaders once we arrive but a few items include: working in orphanages, working in schools for impoverished children, working in a clinic for the poor, working with street children, as well as working with the indigenous tribe.

Again I thank you for your support and prayers. I am so excited to see what all God has planned for us and to see how we might be used.

God's blessings!

p.s. all moneys can be given or sent to my parents. Thank you.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Worship. Praise. Thanksgiving.

Last week (week 7) was an amazing week that led into an even more amazing weekend. Oh man, I get goosebumps, I'm so excited to tell you what's been going on.

Last week our speaker Tina Mollers spoke to us about Worship...yeah maybe you are thinking, I know about Worship, I do it every Sunday or when things are going good. Well, we went a little deeper into the Covenant and Intimacy in Christ. What's that you say? When we really open our eyes we really see how God shares himself in very PERSONAL ways with us. I have a number of personal stories that I can't wait to share with you that has happened this past week but first I want to talk about Worship, Praise and Thanksgiving. Have you ever stopped to consider that each of these three ways have specific focuses? I'm not sure I have. So, what do they focus on?

Thanksgiving = focuses on what God has done
Praise = focuses on what God is like
Worship = focuses on who God is

What does Worship mean to you? Have there been times where you have felt like you have come to Church and received nothing out of it? Have there been times where you have blamed the Praise team for not leading you well enough, so that you were more moved to worship and by that you GOT SOMETHING OUT OF IT? I know that I have had those moments, I think all of us have, but really, ourselves are the only ones to blame in whether or not we have strong, meaningful worship.

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
Jeremiah 17:7-8


It's about being truly ROOTED in God. If we are completely rooted in God we will always have an amazing time of worship.Our fruit will never wither in droughts, even in times of hardships we will find ways of worship.

How you might ask?Ask questions! Think personally. Apply personally. Don't just SAY the words but look into them deeper. As you might repeat something like, "Hallelujah, Praise the Lord" what does that actually mean to you? Why are you saying Hallelujah? What are you praising God for? Remember Praise focuses on what God is like. So how does God's being effect you, that makes you want to respond in complete gratitude and thankfulness? Rather than thinking, "I can't believe this is the 10th time we are saying this line" think of 20 different characteristics of God and how each one has personally touched your life, so that each time you shout out "Hallelujah, Praise the Lord" it becomes more and more personal. Worship becomes deeper because it becomes a personal response to who God is!

As we truly recognize what God has done for us, our form of worship becomes so real and overwhelming because we are just overwhelmed in gratitude (got a story for this one too :) ).

Tina challenged us as well in our worship to have Biblical worship, to change our idea of worship and what it currently means to us. To erase judgment of how ourselves and others worship, to be outrageously crazy in worship and to create new, meaningful ways of personal worship. She encouraged us to draw these things out in creative means.

At the beginning of the week she challenged us to write, as a team, our own song of Thanksgiving. We came together and amazingly put together a beautiful, heartfelt song in only two days!! Unfortunately, I am not sure how I can share the tune of the song but possibly when I am back home I will sing it for you :)


I AM THANKFUL

Chorus:
Oh, I am thankful
I’m full of wonder
I am inspired
By all that you have done and you’re yet to do --- God

You bring me to freedom, with your truth and your life
The sun rises across the horizon, it’s a limitless life
I see your face in the stars
I hear your voice in the sea
I feel your peace and your strength
You’re setting me free

Chorus

Your loves always churning, like the biggest of waves
Your heart overwhelms me, I stand amazed
Nothing can ever contain
This mad passion I have for you
You’re giving me reasons to dance
I’m being renewed

Chorus

Beautiful, eh! And straight from the heart with thanksgiving!

Okay now for some of the other personal stories of the week.

Friday morning, for our last class we went into Bridgetown. Earlier in the week we had been given blocks of wood to paint which we took with us this morning. Tina again encouraged and challenged us to go out in groups of twos and threes and look for places/people that a) you could strongly feel the Spirits presence and/or b) where you could strongly feel the absence of the Spirit.

I headed out with Claudia and our leader Sarah. Sarah had a strong feeling to go to the Immigration building. She had often wanted to pray over the building. She had many stories to share of frustrations, rudeness, complications, etc. Over the last couple of years there has been a few staff here abruptly sent home after having their visas denied. She talked about too the hardships that the refugees from Guyana face when they try to enter. The immigration office gives them a very hard time and then if they are one of the lucky ones to be able to stay they face racism from the people here...including those from the Church.

Anyhow, so we felt that God was calling us to walk around the building 7 times, like in the story of the wall of Jericho. Each time stopping at the beginning to pray about what we should pray about next. The fun, extra part that God placed there, were the men outside the building. Apparently the back parking lot is used for car washing by some Bajans as a way to make money. After the second time seeing us pass them by they started to laugh, "Are you ladies lost? Need a tour guide?" We laughed with them and said no we were fine. Then they started to count how many times they were seeing us walk by. Each time we explained a little more what we were doing. During our last time we prayed for these men and we felt led to give our art block to one of the men. My block was of a sunrise with a heart in the middle.

On the back I had written, this block has been specifically made special for you. I explained (after he asked) that the heart represented the love we had for him but more so the love that Christ had for him. Claudia said she saw something in his eyes when I spoke these words. I don't know what he may have done with the block afterwards, but that is where we trust in God to work through the various seeds that are planted. At the end of this we all met back up in the main square and sang songs of worship. It was so moving. Various people stopped to see what was going on, some even pulling out cameras and video cameras!

Sunday morning, we headed to a Wesliyan Church to once again lead worship. Once again it appeared as though the church had an "institutionalized feeling" and over structured feeling. Bekah and Jess joked about divine movement and how they should breakout in crazy worship like Tina talked about. Well when Beverly (YWAM Staff, her church) led us in opening prayer she spoke the exact words that Bekah and Jess had spoken and it felt as confirmation. Oh yeah and also a bunch of the Logos people came to the same Church, which was neat. So anyhow the worship started (which a number of our YWAMers took part in musically) and the Spirit moved. There was dancing and jumping and a number of the members got involved. It was amazing to see.

But it didn't just stop there for us. The next night, Monday, a bunch of us went to the final Monday night worship on the Logos ship as they were setting sail for St. Lucia that very night at midnight. Okay, wait back up just slightly...early that day I had a very much needed conversation with one of the staff leaders. The last couple of weeks I've been struggling in various ways, not always knowing or understanding what the struggle was. Feeling like I had forgotten understandings that God had allow me to receive. Things seemed so jumbled in my head and I felt like I was constantly spinning, having a harder time fully grasping things. I needed a break I felt like - just some normalcy for a while. During the conversation, I began to remember truths that God had put on my heart and I began to feel some peace. I really needed to get some of that out because I felt like it had been blocking me from fully worshiping (because my mind wouldn't stop running all the time - oh this reminds me of the saying, 'Sometimes you need to stop talking to yourself and start LISTENING' :) )

Okay now bounce back ahead. So our wonderful friend Andrew from Sri Lanka, who we had had the pleasure of getting to know (crazy man on fire for God - he was awesome), led the evenings worship. The band played numerous Hillsong songs (along with others) and it was awesome. Our group was up at the front to the right and the Spirit was moving. Dean, Bekah, Jessica and I were right up front and oh man I wish you could have been there. I felt so incredibly free in worship. I am so thankful for these beautiful women who let it all out in their worship, who encourage me to be more like them (who are 10 years younger than I). I just felt like I was just able to give my complete all in Worship and really really mean it. It wasn't for show, it was just between God and I. During a slower song, as I swayed back and forth moving my arms like in a waltz/ballet movement, with my eyes closed I could picture God holding my hands and dancing with me, swinging me around like the little girl that he loves so much. I had the biggest smile on my face, I just felt completely overwhelmed in JOY. It was definitely the most moving and personal worship experience I have ever had. So much so that at the end of it all, Bekah started to talk to me about something and I couldn't stop laughing. So much JOY had built up inside of me and the JOY was pouring out in laughter. I told Bekah I'm not laughing at you, I just can't stop. Bekah was like, You've been speared by the Holy Spirit!! Jess came over to see what was going on and they started chanting out things, Release the Spirit, pour out the Spirit. In the midst of it, I slowly collapsed to the ground with them hovering over me throwing their hands all over me - Kadeen joining in and smearing my glasses all up. All the while I am completely unable to stop laughing. It was amazing. I really felt annointed by the Holy Spirit in that time. I really encourage you to have a moment like that! Wow, does it ever knock the socks off of you. I felt like I was vibrating for a few hours afterwards. I felt so alive.

After the worship, Andrew prayed an amazing prayer over us, praying for fire to reign down on us. It was so moving. Then we bumped into Jane back down on Deck 4 and she told us of a vision she had had earlier of us. She saw us all and then we turned into all these beautiful but extremely unique of eachother, gold crowns. She saw that we were annointed as righteousness in God. She saw that as we recognized eachothers beautiful differences (as we all had strong different characteristics) how as they came together they rose into the most beautiful crown of unity. That when we went out on outreach, God was going to do amazing things, using us. This was so much more encouraging then you could ever know. Everyone here is so beautiful, but there has been something not quite right. A sort of separation in the group, selfishness replacing selflessness. Though we are kind and loving to eachother, you could just sense it. However, after these last few days I believe that God has brought us together in a new way and we have taken one huge step forward on the way to this beautiful unity in the group. I am so excited for this group now. I really believe in this group and really believe that God is going to work us into the mission he has already started in South America in ways that are going to be amazing. Though, don't get me wrong, it's not going to be perfectly easy from this point. I am sure we will continue to have to strive to keep this unity, that there may be times we take a step back but I think we have come to a new place and I am so excited!

Okay, one last pesonal story. Last week Wednesday morning, I got up early again and went out for a walk with God in the sugar cane fields and then down to the road and back. As I was walking back, I was coming upon these short cement walls (like a bridge) on either side of the road. I felt that God was telling me to take a moment and to sit down on it. So I did. After about 5 minutes or so I then felt that I was to get up and continue on. As I got up, my head was still faceing down and I was noticing the puddles on the ground from the rains (as it had been drizzling at times during my walk too). All of a sudden I noticed a rainbow in the puddle and thought, oh thats so pretty...but then I noticed it in the next puddle and thought how peculiar. THEN I had this feeling to look up and there before me were two BEAUTIFUL rainbows! WOW! I really believe that God had me take a moment to sit, to be still as he prepared and designed these promises for me. God was sending me reminders of his Covenant and promises to me. I was so moved singing songs of worship (I had my iPod on). A man was walking from the opposite way and I stopped him to see if he had noticed the rainbows, he had not and there we stood for the next few moments talking about how great God is and his love for us. I am so thankful that I opened my eyes to that PERSONAL moment that God gave specifically to me.

So I encourage you - OPEN YOUR EYES! God is constantly sending you PERSONAL messages of love that are specific to your needs. God is GOOD ALL the TIME! All the TIME God is GOOD!!

Blessings!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

A Time of Many Things

Well, you may have noticed that it has been quite some time since my last blog entry. Sorry about that. There has been sooooo much happening in the last couple of weeks - some bad, some good and some amazing. Last week we found ourselves in a very stressful time that really seemed to effect every YWAMer here, myself included. It was especially frustrating coming off of such a spiritual high week having learned about the Nature and Character of God and Jesus' Ministry with our speaker Olu (who is definitely a gift that God allowed me to share in). I still plan on righting a blog about that week and about the Trinity so keep an eye out for that, but right now I think just so that I make sure an entry is made I'll just talk more lighthearted right now about some every day life stuff that's been going on.

I don't know if you have heard of OM (which stands for Operation Mobilization) or of the Logos Ships? I hadn't heard of them till a few weeks ago, I do know about Mercy Ships but not OM. They came into port here last Wednesday and as OM and YWAM have past history we had the opportunity to volunteer on the ship over the weekend. There is a team that comes ahead to put out word about the ship, gather up volunteers, get people excited and to pray over the ministry. Last Wednesday night we went to the ship for orientation. First we got a tour of this amazing ship. It is only 2 years old and is beautiful. They have done sooo much work to it. I don't know what the old Logos ships look like but apparently this one is a huge improvement (and comes with air conditioning even). The ship carries the largest moving book fair, there are soooo many books at really cheap prices for the locals to come and purchase. It's amazing! I'll try and upload a picture later. We had our pictures taken for our access volunteer cards and then a time of learning about the ship and what we will be doing for them.

There are 400 crew from ALL around the world! It was fun connecting with new people who were from your own country as well as meeting people from countries where I had yet too. Andrew, for example, comes from Sri Lanka - he is such a riot, it was so fun connecting with him and hearing about his life and his time on the ship. He is almost done and will be heading home in the early new year. Most crew come and stay on the ship for 2 years but there are shorter commitments as well.

On the Friday we had our first opportunity at volunteering; half of us went down into the book hole where they priced books and the other half stayed on Deck 4 which was open to the public. This was where I was. There were various positions in which we rotated through every 45min-1hr. White house where you sold tickets ($2 bajan), entrance where you welcomed and received the tickets, Icafe - where we had the opportunity to just connect with the locals and hear stories and witness as well, Kids Centre and exit.

I really enjoyed this time of connecting with the locals and meeting new people. God blessed me during my time volunteering in the Icafe as I first was able to join the ending of a conversation with Sarah (leader) and a local women. They had been talking a lot about God and witnessing and not having the right words and such and I was so thankful that I was able to share a few things that I had just discovered about myself with this women that I believe really helped her to not beat herself up. I'm talking about the "detailed person" and the "context person". I discovered during my time with Olu that I am the later, which may seem kind of weird because if you know me I am very detailed...when it comes to Art and Design. I struggle with having a hard time remembering where things are in the Bible or specific facts or specifics about a story but I am good at understanding the overall context of what is being spoken. I may not be able to tell you where it is specifically but I may be able to share other things and I can be honest that I don't know where it is but this is how I interpreted this but I encourage you to check it out for yourself as well... This is what I mean by beating yourself up. I think that often we put so much on knowing exacts that those of us who have trouble feel like we are inadequate and that is why we feel like we are not able to share or witness or how could God possibly use me. I can't just spill off verses like that person, I can't be a teacher, I can't be a missionary... but God doesn't call us all to be like that. We each learn differently and in that we can share his love and gospel differently.

Anyhow afterwords, I roamed around looking to see if anyone was sitting on their own, stopping to speak a hi, how are you doing, are you enjoying yourself. I then noticed a gentleman (Stephen) sitting alone, who earlier, I had seen come in with his family while working at the entrance. I stopped to just say hi and ask where is your family (his daughter was playing in the Kids centre and his wife was with her). I then sat down to chat and before I knew it we were in this amazingly spiritual conversation. Here I was thinking that I may have an opportunity to share about my faith but God had more planned in that moment. My shift was only suppose to be for 45 min...well 1 hour and 45 min later, lol, we finally said goodbye. Thankfully the shift supervisor had noticed how intense our conversation was and was able to fill my next spot with another volunteer. I can't tell you everything that we talked about but I had a lot of confirmation on items that God has been speaking upon me. He told me so many stories of miracles that happened in his life when he gave his life over to Christ. When he gave up his rights for things. He had been married once but as he stated he chose his wife for himself (out of selfishness) before he knew the Lord, it didn't not end well at all. He came into a terrible time in his life, which nearly drew him to taking his own life but then God intervened and he came to know the Lord. He laid down his right to be married and entrusted God that if and when he might meet another women it would be by God's direction and God's choosing - as he can choose the best spouse for you, better than you can yourself. This is one thing that has really been more on my mind then I ever anticipated it being while here but the last book we read was called, "Making Jesus Lord" and specifically talked about the dynamic power of laying down your rights and one of it's points was about relationships (there were many more though let me tell ya!). Anyhow I could probably go on about this for hours but I won't...at this time. I just thought wow, I can't believe that this is exactly what I've been reading about, talking about, discussing about, etc.

Another item, less personal, was about praying for Jerusalem. Do you pray for Jerusalem? I can't say I really ever had, except you know when things are really bad over there and you might mention them within other prayers. Well last week during intercession one of the staff felt called that we needed to specifically pray for Jerusalem and Israel. I thought, interesting, yeah okay I understand there is some more unrest happening but thought okay one time deal again. Then in that book I just mentioned, it talked about it again there - interesting. Well then talking with Stephen he talked about how God pressed on his heart to pray over Jerusalem every day. I was like, okay now I think God is seriously telling me something and I better listen up. Three times in one week! Psalm 122 and Isaiah 62 teach us to “Pray for the Peace of Jerusalem".

So anyhow that was just a piece of what happened for me that evening.
I then volunteered to go back on Saturday again (as it was optional on this day) as I had just such a great time there and really enjoyed the difference scenery and really just getting to spend time with local Bajans (and Logos crew too). It was definitely a blessing to be a part of the ship for a couple of days...of course the food on the ship didn't hurt :) lol, Oh man, the first time we had to wait in the cafeteria, we discovered fresh-made bread and chocolate dip (like nutella) and we were in a hay-day! We went berserk. Such a nice treat! Every time after that we made sure to have another sandwich, lol. I joked that I hoped we were not costing them more in food than our volunteer hours were worth. We also had the opportunity to join with them during dinners (and lunch as well on Sat). It was nice to have something different - especially since the one dinner was a stir fry and I was seriously craving that!

On the Sunday, we ended up having an opportunity to hang out with the children from the first community centre that we lead worship at as they were having a picnic just minutes down the road from us at Three Houses park. It was so nice to see those children again and we had a great afternoon with them playing soccer, games, in the park, etc. Though a very busy weekend it was relaxing in its own way.

Well that's it for this blog. I seriously need to head to bed so I guess pictures will come later at some point, as well as that other blog on the Trinity that I want to write. Hope you enjoy :)

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Week 3, Dealing With the Past

This week our topic was on "Dealing With the Past". If you are like me you probably interpreted it to be about dealing with issues from the past and though we did touch on that, we got much deeper and went much farther back into the past. Back when I was only a thought in God's mind. Back to the time of Adam and the fall. Back to truths and deceptions that cause us now to not understand God in the way that we are meant to.

One quote really struck me on just how true it is:
God has created man in His own image and man has repaid the favour. We make God out to be just a really, really good version of us. We can only comprehend the tiniest, tiniest piece of the puzzle so we just make up a pretty box that we think is right and put our God into it and think everything is perfect.

We think we know God from what we read and what we see or have been taught, but knowing someone doesn't always mean we will understand them.

The Deception of the Flesh

The Bible talks about the "flesh". The flesh may be defined as 'a condition in which a person operates out of their own resources doing things their own way' or in other words, me saying I can do this on my own better than God. However the Bible says we are NOT the flesh and the flesh is NOT us.

Galatians 5:16-17 "But I say, walk and live in the Spirit; then you will certainly not gratify the cravings and desires of the flesh . For the desires of the flesh are opposed to the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are opposed to the flesh ; for they are in conflict with each other, so that you are not free but are prevented from doing what you desire to do."

God did not call us to a measured life or a life with information overload. God called us to life. God pursues US! It's not about performing. He is satisfied with us already; if he wasn't how could he have put the Holy Spirit into our lives. This is the transformation. This is exciting!!

Satan uses the flesh to deceive us into untruths. His first deception was with Eve and Adam. He told Adam and Eve that if they ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil that they would be like God [deception] BUT God created us in his image! We ALREADY are JUST like God, in his image. As much like God as we were ever going to be. So what happened? They discovered their nakedness, which in original translation actually means empty. They didn't litterly die but they died inside.

So Good does not equal Life?
No, doing the good thing or right thing doesn't mean you are experiencing life. I am living out of a system that I believe will bring me life (by doing good) but it doesn't - Good is under the Tree of Knowledge of Good & Evil (self-life, independence, bondage, law, death (in speration).
The Tree of life = Spirit-life, dependance, freedom, grace, life.

So obviously man's effort to get to God wasn't working...that's WHY Jesus always had to come to us. God knew that when he created us that we would separate ourselves from him, it was always the plan for Jesus to come to make us alive again.

When Jesus came and died on the cross for us he spoke the words, "It is finished". This was the reason for his coming, to give us life, to bring God down to us so that we may be a part of him. To wipe us clean from all sin and condemnation. We are now completely righteous. He gave us a new identity in God.
Colossions 2:13-14 - "And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made you alive together with Christ, having forgiven you all your trespasses, having wiped out the requirements against us. He has taken it out of the way having nailed it to the cross".

Romans 2:4 - "Or do you think so little of how riches is his kindness, forbearance, and patience, not realizing that it is God's kindness that is leading you to repent?"
The word for repent in Greek is "metanoia" which means turn around. God's goodness in us yells out "metanoia" to "turn around". There is no condemnation in God when we go the wrong way, just the guidance of "You are going the wrong way child, turn around".

God does not see our sins as Jesus died on the cross for ALL our sins. They have all already been forgiven BUT this doesn't mean we don't need to confess our sins. Not for God but for us. We are already forgiven by Jesus dieing on the cross but if we sin we still need to talk to God about it but we need not fear as we are already forgiven. Sin means now that is puts a wierdness into our relationship with God, it makes it awkward. God is not limited but sin limits us. We do not NEED to confess to God but we do so because it skews our relationship with him.

This was really amazing to hear. So freeing if you really think about it. There is NOTHING we can do to make God love us LESS or More. HE loves us unconditionally. He created us to share relationship with Him (the Trinity). We don't need to be good but we do it because we love him, because of our relationship with him. WE are ALWAYS going to be the fathers children.

So let's go back to Deception and "Dealing With the Past" on a now basis.

I Think...Therefore I Am??? Our self-concept directly affects everything in life.
Our beliefs about ourselves predict behaviour. What I believe about myself will ultimately determine what I do and how I teach others to treat me. For example, If I believe about myself that I am not smart enough and I tell others that I am not smart enough, eventually they will treat me like I am not very smart and then lets say, they will write-off what I have to say as it's probably not very good anyhow.
BUT I AM WORTHY because of Jesus Christ and I shouldn't be treated this way. So when do these deceptions in our mind begin?? We are not born with them but from birth we are "nature-ally" self-focused. Before the age of 5, we have highly developed a self-image, we need others to feed us, pamper us, change us, etc. As we grow if we see parents fighting or other children whispering we automatically think it is about us. We can't see beyond ourselves.

Sin soils, brings deception of how we see ourselves and how others see us. Sin wounds and defiles us. Things of our past, effects from family, friends have created lies in our heads that make us think we are not good enough, not worth it, maybe if I act this way THEN I will have friends, etc. These lies have sown into our hearts. These lies are arrows sticking out of our hearts so that when we meet new people and want to get to know them we can't get close enough because these arrows are in the way. However, we shouldn't blame the past but realize its impact in our lives.

These lies become strongholds in our lives that keep us in bondage of believe the lies are truths.
Four Characteristics of Stronghold Beliefs are:
1) Debilitating - we need to confess it to God so he can take away the lie
2) Controlling - our mind is now telling us what's true
3) Self-protective - put up barriers to keep people from hurting us again
4) Self-destructive - living in lies we are not experiencing Christ in his fullness.

We need to recognize the lies and once we discover them give them up to God so that he can reveal the truths to us. That we are perfect and wonderful in him, that he is well pleased with us.

So what happens if we don't? Our emotions become effected. Emotions are the colour of our soul, they are an indicator of what's going on underneath the surface in our "Emotional Bank Vault". Our fear is that if we let out the emotions we have hidden for so long it is going to destroy us and those around us.

So during this time we had an exercise in class in which we took a look at the messages about ourselves that we have received from people that have had an effect on our lives which then leads us to feel and think a certain way about ourselves and motivates us to build protective layers. Later we wrote down our final thought that summed up how we view ourselves. It was very sad and hard to see how some of us viewed ourselves - Not good enough, not perfect enough, I can't show who I truly am or they won't like me, I can never fail, I have to always win, etc. It was not easy and how strong those were to reveal these lies to everyone.

I want to share with you what I wrote as I want you to fully be able to take part in my spiritual journey and hopefully be blessed by it.

For me I wrote, "I am not worth it". My lie is that "I am not worth holding on to because either I am not pretty enough, funny enough, positive enough, smart enough." But mainly I'm just not worth holding on to, either as a girlfriend or as a friend. Now I will say I don't totally believe this lie, I believe God brings people into our lives to bless us for a short time or a longer time, some are meant to stay shorter than others but we need to see the value in the relationship and enjoy them for the time they are in our lives. However, there are times when I am low or down in the dumps or feeling lonely that Satan brings this untruth back into my mind and fools me into believing this.

The wonderful part about this exercise was that in the end we prayed to the Holy Spirit to reveal us truths to speak upon each other. It was so beautiful and so uplifting. It was such a special moment for us and another bonding time.

So how do we erase these lies or at least begin to work on erasing them?
In "Forgiving One Another as in Christ He Forgave Us".
However, let me note: Forgiveness is NOT for the person that hurt you. It is for yourself to release you from its clutches but we must also note that we can only do this in God, apart from Him it is impossible to forgive on our own.

Moving toward Freedom first 'Face the pain' [identify the person/event/emotion/effect] then Forgive (or cancel the debt), then 'Accept the offender as he/she is without demands for change' and lastly 'life free to engage again in relationships with others'.

To emphasize all that I wrote, I want to leave off with a song that Laurie left off with for us. I encourage you to listen to the song if you are able but for now enjoy the words and be open to them. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. I really felt that I had to write it all out. I hope that it may have blessed you but if you have any questions or disagreements PLEASE send me a note or email me. I can't promise I'll have answers for everything but I encourage discussion.
Love Stephanie

"Not Guilty Anymore" by Aaron Keyes

It doesn’t matter what You’ve done; It doesn't matter where you're coming from
Doesn’t matter where you’ve been, Hear me tell you I forgive

You’re not guilty anymore, You're not filthy anymore,
I love you, mercy is yours
You're not broken anymore, You're not captive anymore
I love you, mercy is yours

Can you believe that this is true, Grace abundant I am giving you
Cleansing deeper than you know, All was paid for long ago

There is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Jesus

You are spotless
You are holy
You are faultless
You are whole
You are righteous
You are blameless
You are pardoned
You are mine

________________

Ephesians 1:17 - "I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better."

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Week 2, The Father Heart of God

This past week was the 2nd week of the lecture phase of DTS and we were blessed to have Claude Bonjour come and spend time with us and get to know us and bless us with his lectures on the Father Heart of God. We talked a lot about our relationships with our own fathers and we were all very open and it was amazing. We discussed how our views of our earthly father plays a huge roll in our views of our heavenly father, and God really spoke through Claude to a lot of people this week. During one session we each shared about our own personal relationships with our fathers and I was surprised how sad some of our stories were. It made me weep and I know God was weeping as well. Such heartbreak for so many in the group. It got me thinking that maybe we need to look at having more guidance programs for Fathers - new and old. Fathers play such an important role in a child's life and many of them don't know what it's like to be a Father or how to really love and show it b/c of the experience they had with their own fathers and so on and so on. We have programs for mothers but besides Peace Keepers, I don't think we really disciple the men in our church on being fathers that resemble the Ultimate Father of all, Our Father God. I just want to put it out there that I am not talking about ALL fathers. I'm pondering these thoughts and will probably come back to them in the future.

There were many emotional times during the week and when making a comment to Claude, he said, "And this is only the beginning, the first week, just wait!" Which is soo true. God is shaking us all up, there is a movement going on here. It's exciting but also very emotional at times.

I'll share one personal story that happened to me, a hard one. It was during intercession prayer that we have each Thursday morning for the various countries we will be going too. During orientation we were first introduced to "The Principles for Effective Intercession" by Joy Dawsen. A kind of guideline of 10 points on intercession prayer. We split into small groups to pray over Venezuela and the issues there. One of the girls in my group mentioned she had trouble with the guidelines because she grew up being taught how to be open and really communicate with God in prayer (through tongues and various other ways). She struggled with feeling like she was being "told" how to pray. I explained that though she has been blessed to know these, for some of us, including myself, the guidance is very helpful. I never really considered how important it is to ask God to reveal any sins left on my heart that I haven't confessed so that the devil will not take hold of them and this became revealed to me as you will read.
So we began in prayer, myself and a few others praying what was on our heart...then that one girl was overtaken by the Holy Spirit and began praying louder and louder then in tongues. It was amazing but sadly at that same time I felt the devil take hold of me and turn my thoughts of goodness into harsh criticism, feeling all of a sudden that everything I say and do is fake. That I don't really mean what I say and it just went on and on. I froze and could no longer concentrate on anything but selfish and awful thoughts. I had to get out of there...Thankfully Claude happened to be just outside so I got up and went out and spoke of what just happened to me. I am so thankful God put him there for me as I just started to shake so hard from crying so hard. He prayed over me, telling/revealing truths to me to rid of the lies that were going through my mind, praying Gods love on me.
I tell this story because I just want to show how Satan works so hard in situations where he knows that he doesn't have control. He grabs onto anything and everything, twisting things all around. When we first arrived we were told that great things are happening here, a manafestation. God is really speaking here...and he is! This really is an amazing time, we are learning soo much and God is surrounding us here...but that doesn't mean Satan isn't trying to work his magic because he is. Our self-esteem issues are high on the rise. So I just ask of you to pray for each of us here, students and staff. Pray that we can stand strong in God's love and in his truth and to close our ears to lies.

I have just been enjoying so much what we have been learning and I wish I could just tell you about it all, explain everything in full but of course that would take a very long time :P While learning there have definitely been times where various people from back home pop into mind of how much I wish they were here to hear this or that I could be where they were to share what I was learning, but hopefully in time.

Friday afternoon we went to a beach called Foul Bay to worship. That was really neat that we could take our worship outside the classroom and on the beach. Then we all went off for 10 mins to have time to let God speak to us through his creation. I saw a storm coming in (which didn't end up reaching land) and felt God saying that he was going to be shaking things up here and shaking up our lives and our thoughts. It's exciting. Afterwards we came together and shared what we had heard. As usual Alef always has something hilarious happen to him that creates another funny story. He was sitting at the Ocean talking with God and what comes up out of the water right at his feet....a PHONE!! That's right, a telephone! So he said he heard God say, You can call me (talk with me) anytime! lol. Love it! Afterwards we had the opportunity to go into the water for a bit. The waves were insane and I just stayed at the edge of them but it was funny watching others get bowled over and rolled up on the beach.

Friday night we went out to Cafe Sol for some Mexican food which was a good time, it was nice to hangout together away from base, time to bond more and eat some different food! Celina took a bunch of us to Miami beach for the afternoon on Saturday (after spending the morning working on my book report). The water here still amazes me, it is so beautiful. It was 5 pm and we were waiting for the bus which was supposed to come at 5:30 so we decided to walk to the jetty by the Oistins fish market cause you can see turtles there in the evenings. Finally we discovered how to get on the jetty, after some wandering (we had to cut through a building where they brought the fish to gut them...it smelled lovely). There were some men on the jetty and as we were walking by they said "you want to see the turtles?" They were throwing the fish guts into the ocean and there were 4 turtles eating there! They were so huge. It was awesome. We are going to go back one of these days cause Solomon promised to take us swimming with the turtles :-)

Sunday we went to a Community Center where we ran a children's church program for the community children. The kids had so much energy, it was so much fun. We sang some fun songs with lots of actions, one that Solomon taught us. It is sooo hilarious but hard to explain. Hopefully I'll be able to share a video of it at some point or at least once I am back home. We separated into age groups and my group focused on the Fruit of the Spirit. We started with a bunch of repeating fun songs to get to know eachother (songs from our camp childhood days). After our lesson we played simon says with them. They are such a good children, so darling. It was a great time.

In the afternoon we once again had the opportunity to go the beach, back to Crane beach, my favourite. The waves are just right there, a bit large but not enough to be sucked out by the undertow but large enough to body surf them in :) Fun!

Well we have already started week#3 now but I will tell you more about that later. Almost already a third way through the DTS, crazy! :)