A Camel and a Needle (personal)

Well, the countdown is on. Only 2 weeks left till we leave for outreach! Can't believe how time has gone by so fast. As we prepare for outreach and for travel arrangements and other items we also find ourselves once again dealing with finances.

Oh finances - the word that everyone hates to talk about. Though funny enough, I've been finding it such a constant thing that God is having me deal with and work through. It has been good for me but it has also been a struggle at times as well. Actually a struggle is an underestimate, I've been pretty frustrated I'll say, but God has been really trying to reach me in a new way. He is trying to teach me complete dependence on Him. To show me that when I give these things up to him and when I give generously, how I can see him and have a relationship with him on a whole new level. To have complete dependence on him over finances I can see him work miracles, personal miracles in my life.

I wish I could tell you the many amazing stories those who have been with YWAM or rather those who've been in the mission field for awhile have and the way God has provided for them over and over again financially. Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying you need to be a missionary to experience these things, no no, but I think coming from the western culture, many of us don't fully know what it is to have nothing and depend completely on God to provide. One staff asked God to let him learn dependence on him in this way and found his bank account somehow dwindle down to nothing over a short matter of time BUT over the next 6 years of litterly having no money to his name, he was blessed to be able to traveled more than half of the world doing God's work. That's just the tip of all the stories that I have heard here.

So anyhow, where is this coming from? Well, I've really been learning that not every organization works in the way that CRWRC works (in their organization and planning ahead ways) or they way that I like or am more comfortable with and that's okay, it just means more lessons of flexibility. Before I left to come, I had been fundraising for the outreach section of my trip and had been hoping to raise $3000 CDN, unfortunately I didn't quite hit that amount and that's okay. I was still blown away by the generosity and compassion of family and friends, many who really had little to their names. Originally, outreach was budgeted at $2500 USD but now that has raised a fair bit.

I am currently hoping to raise another $1500CDN to cover the added costs.

I ask kindly if you could please pray about whether or not you may feel called to help me out. If you don't, that is completely okay. We are not always called by God to give in every situation. I thank you, either way for your prayers and for supporting me in other ways. I've really appreciated hearing from my mom of those back home who have been keeping up with me on my blog. Thank you.

I thought I would attach the proposed itinerary (that is most certainly going to still have changes but as close to the final as we possibly will have) for our outreach, so you have an idea of where we will be over the next few months as chances are, I will not be able to update my blog often (or at all, though hopefully that's not the case).


December 8th
We will be leaving in two groups, the first group will fly directly from Barbados to Caracas, Venezuela, the second group will have a night stay over in Trinidad and will be sleeping over at the YWAM base there and leaving the following day for Caracas. We will split into 2 groups for accommodations (2 weeks) as well and we will not be staying right in Caracas. Some ministry will be done together and some separate.

December 19th - 27th
We will be traveling 2 to 3 days by bus (all depends on the condition of the bus) to Manuas, Brazil with a short stay at the border, then off to the YWAM base. Here is where we will be celebrating Christmas. There is an orphanage on base here as well.

December 27th
We will be traveling 5 days by ferry to Porto Velo, Brazil and spend 3 weeks here. This includes a week long stay with the Indigenous tribe deep in the Amazon (no electricity, possibly be in water up to our thighs, where there are crocodiles, piranhas, feces, etc., fun times! :O ).

January 20th
Flying down to Buenas Aires, Argentina (because it is much to dangerous for us to drive down to Bolivia), (this is the one place not overly confirmed, we are having a hard time getting concrete answers from them).

Beginning of February to February 12th
We will again be taking a bus for 2 to 4 days to Santa Cruz, Bolivia (sleeping on the bus), spending 10-12 days in Santa Cruz.

February 12
Flying back to Caracas, Venezuela then to Barbados.

I don't know what we will be doing in each place as it is up to the base leaders once we arrive but a few items include: working in orphanages, working in schools for impoverished children, working in a clinic for the poor, working with street children, as well as working with the indigenous tribe.

Again I thank you for your support and prayers. I am so excited to see what all God has planned for us and to see how we might be used.

God's blessings!

p.s. all moneys can be given or sent to my parents. Thank you.

Worship. Praise. Thanksgiving.

Last week (week 7) was an amazing week that led into an even more amazing weekend. Oh man, I get goosebumps, I'm so excited to tell you what's been going on.

Last week our speaker Tina Mollers spoke to us about Worship...yeah maybe you are thinking, I know about Worship, I do it every Sunday or when things are going good. Well, we went a little deeper into the Covenant and Intimacy in Christ. What's that you say? When we really open our eyes we really see how God shares himself in very PERSONAL ways with us. I have a number of personal stories that I can't wait to share with you that has happened this past week but first I want to talk about Worship, Praise and Thanksgiving. Have you ever stopped to consider that each of these three ways have specific focuses? I'm not sure I have. So, what do they focus on?

Thanksgiving = focuses on what God has done
Praise = focuses on what God is like
Worship = focuses on who God is

What does Worship mean to you? Have there been times where you have felt like you have come to Church and received nothing out of it? Have there been times where you have blamed the Praise team for not leading you well enough, so that you were more moved to worship and by that you GOT SOMETHING OUT OF IT? I know that I have had those moments, I think all of us have, but really, ourselves are the only ones to blame in whether or not we have strong, meaningful worship.

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
Jeremiah 17:7-8

It's about being truly ROOTED in God. If we are completely rooted in God we will always have an amazing time of worship.Our fruit will never wither in droughts, even in times of hardships we will find ways of worship.

How you might ask?Ask questions! Think personally. Apply personally. Don't just SAY the words but look into them deeper. As you might repeat something like, "Hallelujah, Praise the Lord" what does that actually mean to you? Why are you saying Hallelujah? What are you praising God for? Remember Praise focuses on what God is like. So how does God's being effect you, that makes you want to respond in complete gratitude and thankfulness? Rather than thinking, "I can't believe this is the 10th time we are saying this line" think of 20 different characteristics of God and how each one has personally touched your life, so that each time you shout out "Hallelujah, Praise the Lord" it becomes more and more personal. Worship becomes deeper because it becomes a personal response to who God is!

As we truly recognize what God has done for us, our form of worship becomes so real and overwhelming because we are just overwhelmed in gratitude (got a story for this one too :) ).

Tina challenged us as well in our worship to have Biblical worship, to change our idea of worship and what it currently means to us. To erase judgment of how ourselves and others worship, to be outrageously crazy in worship and to create new, meaningful ways of personal worship. She encouraged us to draw these things out in creative means.

At the beginning of the week she challenged us to write, as a team, our own song of Thanksgiving. We came together and amazingly put together a beautiful, heartfelt song in only two days!! Unfortunately, I am not sure how I can share the tune of the song but possibly when I am back home I will sing it for you :)

I AM THANKFUL

Chorus:
Oh, I am thankful
I’m full of wonder
I am inspired
By all that you have done and you’re yet to do --- God

You bring me to freedom, with your truth and your life
The sun rises across the horizon, it’s a limitless life
I see your face in the stars
I hear your voice in the sea
I feel your peace and your strength
You’re setting me free

Chorus

Your loves always churning, like the biggest of waves
Your heart overwhelms me, I stand amazed
Nothing can ever contain
This mad passion I have for you
You’re giving me reasons to dance
I’m being renewed

Chorus

Beautiful, eh! And straight from the heart with thanksgiving!

Okay now for some of the other personal stories of the week.

Friday morning, for our last class we went into Bridgetown. Earlier in the week we had been given blocks of wood to paint which we took with us this morning. Tina again encouraged and challenged us to go out in groups of twos and threes and look for places/people that a) you could strongly feel the Spirits presence and/or b) where you could strongly feel the absence of the Spirit.

I headed out with Claudia and our leader Sarah. Sarah had a strong feeling to go to the Immigration building. She had often wanted to pray over the building. She had many stories to share of frustrations, rudeness, complications, etc. Over the last couple of years there has been a few staff here abruptly sent home after having their visas denied. She talked about too the hardships that the refugees from Guyana face when they try to enter. The immigration office gives them a very hard time and then if they are one of the lucky ones to be able to stay they face racism from the people here...including those from the Church.

Anyhow, so we felt that God was calling us to walk around the building 7 times, like in the story of the wall of Jericho. Each time stopping at the beginning to pray about what we should pray about next. The fun, extra part that God placed there, were the men outside the building. Apparently the back parking lot is used for car washing by some Bajans as a way to make money. After the second time seeing us pass them by they started to laugh, "Are you ladies lost? Need a tour guide?" We laughed with them and said no we were fine. Then they started to count how many times they were seeing us walk by. Each time we explained a little more what we were doing. During our last time we prayed for these men and we felt led to give our art block to one of the men. My block was of a sunrise with a heart in the middle.

On the back I had written, this block has been specifically made special for you. I explained (after he asked) that the heart represented the love we had for him but more so the love that Christ had for him. Claudia said she saw something in his eyes when I spoke these words. I don't know what he may have done with the block afterwards, but that is where we trust in God to work through the various seeds that are planted. At the end of this we all met back up in the main square and sang songs of worship. It was so moving. Various people stopped to see what was going on, some even pulling out cameras and video cameras!

Sunday morning, we headed to a Wesliyan Church to once again lead worship. Once again it appeared as though the church had an "institutionalized feeling" and over structured feeling. Bekah and Jess joked about divine movement and how they should breakout in crazy worship like Tina talked about. Well when Beverly (YWAM Staff, her church) led us in opening prayer she spoke the exact words that Bekah and Jess had spoken and it felt as confirmation. Oh yeah and also a bunch of the Logos people came to the same Church, which was neat. So anyhow the worship started (which a number of our YWAMers took part in musically) and the Spirit moved. There was dancing and jumping and a number of the members got involved. It was amazing to see.

But it didn't just stop there for us. The next night, Monday, a bunch of us went to the final Monday night worship on the Logos ship as they were setting sail for St. Lucia that very night at midnight. Okay, wait back up just slightly...early that day I had a very much needed conversation with one of the staff leaders. The last couple of weeks I've been struggling in various ways, not always knowing or understanding what the struggle was. Feeling like I had forgotten understandings that God had allow me to receive. Things seemed so jumbled in my head and I felt like I was constantly spinning, having a harder time fully grasping things. I needed a break I felt like - just some normalcy for a while. During the conversation, I began to remember truths that God had put on my heart and I began to feel some peace. I really needed to get some of that out because I felt like it had been blocking me from fully worshiping (because my mind wouldn't stop running all the time - oh this reminds me of the saying, 'Sometimes you need to stop talking to yourself and start LISTENING' :) )

Okay now bounce back ahead. So our wonderful friend Andrew from Sri Lanka, who we had had the pleasure of getting to know (crazy man on fire for God - he was awesome), led the evenings worship. The band played numerous Hillsong songs (along with others) and it was awesome. Our group was up at the front to the right and the Spirit was moving. Dean, Bekah, Jessica and I were right up front and oh man I wish you could have been there. I felt so incredibly free in worship. I am so thankful for these beautiful women who let it all out in their worship, who encourage me to be more like them (who are 10 years younger than I). I just felt like I was just able to give my complete all in Worship and really really mean it. It wasn't for show, it was just between God and I. During a slower song, as I swayed back and forth moving my arms like in a waltz/ballet movement, with my eyes closed I could picture God holding my hands and dancing with me, swinging me around like the little girl that he loves so much. I had the biggest smile on my face, I just felt completely overwhelmed in JOY. It was definitely the most moving and personal worship experience I have ever had. So much so that at the end of it all, Bekah started to talk to me about something and I couldn't stop laughing. So much JOY had built up inside of me and the JOY was pouring out in laughter. I told Bekah I'm not laughing at you, I just can't stop. Bekah was like, You've been speared by the Holy Spirit!! Jess came over to see what was going on and they started chanting out things, Release the Spirit, pour out the Spirit. In the midst of it, I slowly collapsed to the ground with them hovering over me throwing their hands all over me - Kadeen joining in and smearing my glasses all up. All the while I am completely unable to stop laughing. It was amazing. I really felt annointed by the Holy Spirit in that time. I really encourage you to have a moment like that! Wow, does it ever knock the socks off of you. I felt like I was vibrating for a few hours afterwards. I felt so alive.

After the worship, Andrew prayed an amazing prayer over us, praying for fire to reign down on us. It was so moving. Then we bumped into Jane back down on Deck 4 and she told us of a vision she had had earlier of us. She saw us all and then we turned into all these beautiful but extremely unique of eachother, gold crowns. She saw that we were annointed as righteousness in God. She saw that as we recognized eachothers beautiful differences (as we all had strong different characteristics) how as they came together they rose into the most beautiful crown of unity. That when we went out on outreach, God was going to do amazing things, using us. This was so much more encouraging then you could ever know. Everyone here is so beautiful, but there has been something not quite right. A sort of separation in the group, selfishness replacing selflessness. Though we are kind and loving to eachother, you could just sense it. However, after these last few days I believe that God has brought us together in a new way and we have taken one huge step forward on the way to this beautiful unity in the group. I am so excited for this group now. I really believe in this group and really believe that God is going to work us into the mission he has already started in South America in ways that are going to be amazing. Though, don't get me wrong, it's not going to be perfectly easy from this point. I am sure we will continue to have to strive to keep this unity, that there may be times we take a step back but I think we have come to a new place and I am so excited!

Okay, one last pesonal story. Last week Wednesday morning, I got up early again and went out for a walk with God in the sugar cane fields and then down to the road and back. As I was walking back, I was coming upon these short cement walls (like a bridge) on either side of the road. I felt that God was telling me to take a moment and to sit down on it. So I did. After about 5 minutes or so I then felt that I was to get up and continue on. As I got up, my head was still faceing down and I was noticing the puddles on the ground from the rains (as it had been drizzling at times during my walk too). All of a sudden I noticed a rainbow in the puddle and thought, oh thats so pretty...but then I noticed it in the next puddle and thought how peculiar. THEN I had this feeling to look up and there before me were two BEAUTIFUL rainbows! WOW! I really believe that God had me take a moment to sit, to be still as he prepared and designed these promises for me. God was sending me reminders of his Covenant and promises to me. I was so moved singing songs of worship (I had my iPod on). A man was walking from the opposite way and I stopped him to see if he had noticed the rainbows, he had not and there we stood for the next few moments talking about how great God is and his love for us. I am so thankful that I opened my eyes to that PERSONAL moment that God gave specifically to me.

So I encourage you - OPEN YOUR EYES! God is constantly sending you PERSONAL messages of love that are specific to your needs. God is GOOD ALL the TIME! All the TIME God is GOOD!!

Blessings!

A Time of Many Things

Well, you may have noticed that it has been quite some time since my last blog entry. Sorry about that. There has been sooooo much happening in the last couple of weeks - some bad, some good and some amazing. Last week we found ourselves in a very stressful time that really seemed to effect every YWAMer here, myself included. It was especially frustrating coming off of such a spiritual high week having learned about the Nature and Character of God and Jesus' Ministry with our speaker Olu (who is definitely a gift that God allowed me to share in). I still plan on righting a blog about that week and about the Trinity so keep an eye out for that, but right now I think just so that I make sure an entry is made I'll just talk more lighthearted right now about some every day life stuff that's been going on.

I don't know if you have heard of OM (which stands for Operation Mobilization) or of the Logos Ships? I hadn't heard of them till a few weeks ago, I do know about Mercy Ships but not OM. They came into port here last Wednesday and as OM and YWAM have past history we had the opportunity to volunteer on the ship over the weekend. There is a team that comes ahead to put out word about the ship, gather up volunteers, get people excited and to pray over the ministry. Last Wednesday night we went to the ship for orientation. First we got a tour of this amazing ship. It is only 2 years old and is beautiful. They have done sooo much work to it. I don't know what the old Logos ships look like but apparently this one is a huge improvement (and comes with air conditioning even). The ship carries the largest moving book fair, there are soooo many books at really cheap prices for the locals to come and purchase. It's amazing! I'll try and upload a picture later. We had our pictures taken for our access volunteer cards and then a time of learning about the ship and what we will be doing for them.

There are 400 crew from ALL around the world! It was fun connecting with new people who were from your own country as well as meeting people from countries where I had yet too. Andrew, for example, comes from Sri Lanka - he is such a riot, it was so fun connecting with him and hearing about his life and his time on the ship. He is almost done and will be heading home in the early new year. Most crew come and stay on the ship for 2 years but there are shorter commitments as well.

On the Friday we had our first opportunity at volunteering; half of us went down into the book hole where they priced books and the other half stayed on Deck 4 which was open to the public. This was where I was. There were various positions in which we rotated through every 45min-1hr. White house where you sold tickets ($2 bajan), entrance where you welcomed and received the tickets, Icafe - where we had the opportunity to just connect with the locals and hear stories and witness as well, Kids Centre and exit.

I really enjoyed this time of connecting with the locals and meeting new people. God blessed me during my time volunteering in the Icafe as I first was able to join the ending of a conversation with Sarah (leader) and a local women. They had been talking a lot about God and witnessing and not having the right words and such and I was so thankful that I was able to share a few things that I had just discovered about myself with this women that I believe really helped her to not beat herself up. I'm talking about the "detailed person" and the "context person". I discovered during my time with Olu that I am the later, which may seem kind of weird because if you know me I am very detailed...when it comes to Art and Design. I struggle with having a hard time remembering where things are in the Bible or specific facts or specifics about a story but I am good at understanding the overall context of what is being spoken. I may not be able to tell you where it is specifically but I may be able to share other things and I can be honest that I don't know where it is but this is how I interpreted this but I encourage you to check it out for yourself as well... This is what I mean by beating yourself up. I think that often we put so much on knowing exacts that those of us who have trouble feel like we are inadequate and that is why we feel like we are not able to share or witness or how could God possibly use me. I can't just spill off verses like that person, I can't be a teacher, I can't be a missionary... but God doesn't call us all to be like that. We each learn differently and in that we can share his love and gospel differently.

Anyhow afterwords, I roamed around looking to see if anyone was sitting on their own, stopping to speak a hi, how are you doing, are you enjoying yourself. I then noticed a gentleman (Stephen) sitting alone, who earlier, I had seen come in with his family while working at the entrance. I stopped to just say hi and ask where is your family (his daughter was playing in the Kids centre and his wife was with her). I then sat down to chat and before I knew it we were in this amazingly spiritual conversation. Here I was thinking that I may have an opportunity to share about my faith but God had more planned in that moment. My shift was only suppose to be for 45 min...well 1 hour and 45 min later, lol, we finally said goodbye. Thankfully the shift supervisor had noticed how intense our conversation was and was able to fill my next spot with another volunteer. I can't tell you everything that we talked about but I had a lot of confirmation on items that God has been speaking upon me. He told me so many stories of miracles that happened in his life when he gave his life over to Christ. When he gave up his rights for things. He had been married once but as he stated he chose his wife for himself (out of selfishness) before he knew the Lord, it didn't not end well at all. He came into a terrible time in his life, which nearly drew him to taking his own life but then God intervened and he came to know the Lord. He laid down his right to be married and entrusted God that if and when he might meet another women it would be by God's direction and God's choosing - as he can choose the best spouse for you, better than you can yourself. This is one thing that has really been more on my mind then I ever anticipated it being while here but the last book we read was called, "Making Jesus Lord" and specifically talked about the dynamic power of laying down your rights and one of it's points was about relationships (there were many more though let me tell ya!). Anyhow I could probably go on about this for hours but I won't...at this time. I just thought wow, I can't believe that this is exactly what I've been reading about, talking about, discussing about, etc.

Another item, less personal, was about praying for Jerusalem. Do you pray for Jerusalem? I can't say I really ever had, except you know when things are really bad over there and you might mention them within other prayers. Well last week during intercession one of the staff felt called that we needed to specifically pray for Jerusalem and Israel. I thought, interesting, yeah okay I understand there is some more unrest happening but thought okay one time deal again. Then in that book I just mentioned, it talked about it again there - interesting. Well then talking with Stephen he talked about how God pressed on his heart to pray over Jerusalem every day. I was like, okay now I think God is seriously telling me something and I better listen up. Three times in one week! Psalm 122 and Isaiah 62 teach us to “Pray for the Peace of Jerusalem".

So anyhow that was just a piece of what happened for me that evening.
I then volunteered to go back on Saturday again (as it was optional on this day) as I had just such a great time there and really enjoyed the difference scenery and really just getting to spend time with local Bajans (and Logos crew too). It was definitely a blessing to be a part of the ship for a couple of days...of course the food on the ship didn't hurt :) lol, Oh man, the first time we had to wait in the cafeteria, we discovered fresh-made bread and chocolate dip (like nutella) and we were in a hay-day! We went berserk. Such a nice treat! Every time after that we made sure to have another sandwich, lol. I joked that I hoped we were not costing them more in food than our volunteer hours were worth. We also had the opportunity to join with them during dinners (and lunch as well on Sat). It was nice to have something different - especially since the one dinner was a stir fry and I was seriously craving that!

On the Sunday, we ended up having an opportunity to hang out with the children from the first community centre that we lead worship at as they were having a picnic just minutes down the road from us at Three Houses park. It was so nice to see those children again and we had a great afternoon with them playing soccer, games, in the park, etc. Though a very busy weekend it was relaxing in its own way.

Well that's it for this blog. I seriously need to head to bed so I guess pictures will come later at some point, as well as that other blog on the Trinity that I want to write. Hope you enjoy :)